Part 2 Writing Task: Competitive Education . . . sample answer

Question: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

-

Here's one student's answer. Can you spot the mistakes -- the Chinese English?

Nowadays, Taiwan’s educational system has always been changed since I wan in junior high school. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disvantages for competition.

In Taiwan, most of children have been taught in competition. This is because we have two national examations during our educational phase, one is senior high school exam, the other is college exam which are examined the students to decide whether you can study in a good-quality school or not. Therefore, we have to study hardto win from the competition. For example, in Taiwan, it is popular to have a tutor who come to your house to teach extra pieces of studies with paying a lot of money. They learn faster and better than what they learn at school.

In addition, parents give their children a lot of stress. For example, parents compare the grades which their children get with others. If they don’t get good grades, they will be punished and blamed by their parents. Therefore, children in Taiwan learn as much as they can to win the competition.

On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are some problems. They become selfish, careless and don’t help others a lot, if it is about studies. So they don’t understant how to co-operate with others or argue with others easily. For exampe, cooperation is very important for companies. Because companies don’t depend on one person to operate. A company must combine a variety of departments and need people to work cooperatively. This is the only way to make success.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. People are social and should learn how to interact with others. Therefore, I hope parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not competiton and ranking them.

336 words

Here's the same answer with corrections. Spelling mistakes are underlines.

Nowadays, Taiwan’s educational system has alwaysbeen changed since I wan was in junior high school. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made encouraged, while others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. Don’t repeat the exact words from the question. There are advantages and disvantages for to competition.

In Taiwan, most of children have been taught in competition. (or, taught in a cempetitive way) This is because we have two national examations during our educational phase, one is the senior high school exam, the other is the college entrance exam which are examined the students to decide whether you a student can study in a good-quality school or not. Therefore, we have to study hard to win from the competition. For example, An example of what? in Taiwan, it is popular to have a tutor who comes to your house to teach extra pieces of studies material with paying which costs a lot of money. They Children tutored in such a way learn faster and better than what they learn at school.

In addition, parents give their children a lot of stress. For example, parents compare the grades which their children get with others. If they don’t get good grades, they will be punished and blamed by their parents. Therefore, children in Taiwan learn as much as they can to win the competitions.

On the other hand, as they are busy trying to enter the good schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are some problems occur. They become selfish, careless and don’t help others a lot, if it is about studies study. So they don’t understant how to co-operate with others or and they argue with others easily.

New paragraph For exampe, cooperation is very important for companies. Because companies don’t depend on one person to operate. A company must combine a variety of departments and needs people to work cooperatively together. This is the only way to make success.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. People are social and should learn how to interact with others. Therefore, I hope parents and teachers to can educate children concentrating on co-operation, not competiton and ranking them.

Now here is a high-scoring answer

This is something of a dilemma: whether we should be fostering competitiveness in children or teaching them to co-operate. The solution could have a big impact on our society, but both sides of the argument have supporters. My instinct would be to produce selfless adults, always willing to help each other, but the real world might require different skills!

Taiwan’s education system has changed a lot since I was a child, from an environment in which students helped each other to a much more competitive one. The biggest problem here, as far as I see it, is the system of choosing who goes to which school, namely the entrance exams, of which there are two main ones, for high-school and university. These are both serious competitions for which students have to struggle against their peers. The stress, coming from parents, teachers, and even private tutors, can be detrimental to students well-being, and the experience can turn students into selfish, uncaring individuals who are unwilling to help others. I can testify to this – while taking the university entrance exam I worked alone, and cared less and less about the progress of my friends and classmates who I considered as being in competition with me.

On the other hand I strongly feel that if students are not forced to compete, they become better members of society, and importantly, better employees in the workplace. Companies generally need team players who can aid and encourage fellow employees to reach company goals, not personal, individual goals.

Of course a selfless, helpful and friendly person will seem to make for a better citizen. But the real world can be an ugly, competitive place, where that kind of person might easily slip into failure. So the answer is obviously balance: we need to teach kids to compete, because the real world necessitates it, but not at the expense of becoming a selfish, unlikable person.

317 words